October 11, 2013; Lucky.


These last few weeks have been horrible for me. And it has little to nothing to do with the military. Weeks like that make me miss the comfort provided by my Sailor. It’s not even the physical closeness. It’s having a sounding board, a sympathetic ear, an objective opinion, even if it disagrees with mine.

My partner is an excellent rock to have, I couldn’t ask for a better one. I just wish I had him at my side.

26 days.

October 12, 2013. geobach, military, alone, sad, cry, marriage, sailor, geo bach, geobachelor, tired, alone,. Leave a comment.

September 20, 2013; Summertime Sadness.


As Operation GeoBach 2.0 is coming to a close, I realize my life is pretty boring without Sailor here. Sure I’ve loaded myself up with shit to do, but it’s not the same.

I just spent my Saturday night fighting off a 5pm nap demon, eating cheesecake, and watching Netflix. Would it have honestly been different had Sailor been here? Probably not, except for the added dopamine from touching, but still. I want to be boring with him.

We’ve both made the accusation of electronic addiction and abuse to the other recently. I let it drop after coming to an epiphany, duh moment really, who am I kidding?

Being attached to electronics is our norm now, it’s what we do in our off time, it’s how you and I have kept in contact for two years. Cold, little, light up security blankets.

It’s both heart warming and sad.

Today marks 45 days til it’s all over. I feel like that’s when my life will begin again.

20130922-104039.jpg

September 22, 2013. geobach, military, alone, sad, cry, marriage, sailor, geo bach, geobachelor, tired, alone,. Leave a comment.

9.5.13 – Wake Me Up


Next week I go to see Sailor, it will be the first time we’ve seen each other in nearly three months, and the longest we have ever been without seeing each other aside from that short time we broke up in ’06, only this time we are far more invested in the other.

He likes to call me on his drive ‘home’ from the barge. Monday we talked for what seemed like forever about past relationships, what worked, what didn’t, why we had done the things we did at the time. It was almost cathartic, because even though I have been with Sailor for nearly ten years, and despite my blunt & cynical outward demeanor, those first few loves still stung a little.

Even though we are so far apart, I feel closer to him than ever before. Too bad it took such a catalyst to create this intimacy.

I am not a religious person, but if anything in life is sacred, it is my love for him.

 

 

8e840d358be44e893671a8b38bc73414

 

 

 

 

September 5, 2013. geobach, military, alone, sad, cry, marriage, sailor, geo bach, geobachelor, tired, alone,. Leave a comment.

8.18.13: Radioactive.


d15e2d040b7e1f4d9abadd413a7f01fa

 

Neither Sailor or I enjoy talking on the phone. But there is no mercy in a geobach. We talk on the phone often. Yes, there are moments when  there are no spoken words, just breathing, but breathing sometimes is all you need to hear for everything to seem normal for a minute or three.

I have come to the conclusion that we complete each other, I loosened him up while he toned me down. I am his connector, he’s my ground wire. It all pans out.

We aren’t each other’s better half, we are the other’s partner. And yes, there truly is a difference. We are equal.

We are 20 months into our 22 month geobach, I held out almost a whole month to announce we were 2 digit midgets, the end truly is in sight.

“I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones.
Enough to make my systems blow.”

“Radioactive” – Imagine Dragons

 

August 18, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

8.3.13: Come & Get It.


There is a reason I do not lament about my husband not being home. The less I think about it, the less it can hurt me. Period.

Of course I miss listening to him breathe in the darkness of our bedroom early in the morning when I cannot sleep and he has passed out hours before.

I love the feeling of his dead weight draped across my body as he makes me his little spoon. I even miss the snoring, but not for long. I miss his warm skin against mine, his hands on my thighs, lips on my neck, and the arch of his foot gracing the curve of my calf.

I miss it all.

I just don’t really let myself miss it. I can only imagine the hot mess I would be if I did.

I was complemented earlier in the week how when I first moved here I dove right in and found things to do and didn’t mess around.

I feel like I am repeating myself…

So enjoy this instead…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCrizhr0rpI

 

August 4, 2013. geobach, military, alone, sad, cry, marriage, sailor, geo bach, geobachelor, tired, alone,. Leave a comment.

7.27.13 Stubborn Love


“I couldn’t do it”

“I don’t know how you do it”

“You’re a stronger person than I”

“I can’t imagine doing that”

“I don’t…”

“I can’t…”

“I, I, I,”

And my favorite:

“At least you have someone to miss.” What the fuck?

 

 

 

Having finally reached double digit midget status for sure with this GeoBach (that’s less than 100 days til the end for you Civies), I am more open about the fact that I live separate from my husband. The above quotes are what I hear most often. Lots of negative self reflective comments. I realize they are supposed to be praiseful of me and having survived so long without my partner in my everyday life, and a compliment to how strong I am or must be. But in the end, it’s really just kind of a back hand.

 

I am not strong, I am human, I make do.

I was going to say that I didn’t know why it bothered me so. But that would be lying, it hurts. I am not more awesome because I suffer, I am not some martyr to spouses left behind everywhere.

You are only reminding me how hard it is.

 

Today, however, I miss my partner in crime, life, and love.

 

 

July 27, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

6.26.13: Lovesick Blues


I’ve been trying to get out a post for a few weeks now. It just isn’t coming. Sailor had requested it. A love poem of sorts I suppose is what you could call it. Every time I sit to type it out, I just stare at the screen, willing the words out of me. My long drives to and from Jacksonville provide ample time to think on it, it’s that whole ideas to ‘paper’ that staggers me.

I finally sat down and just wrote it out on actual paper. Just a generic blank note card that was sitting in a box on the desk. I wrote with a frenzy, hopefully a neat frenzy, I sighed, I lamented, I cried, I just let it out. I don’t even remember so much what I wrote as the fact that I finally got it out.

I hope he’s pleased with what my hand scribbled down and it is now in the mail.

Image

June 27, 2013. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

5.23.13 – Beneath Your Beautiful.


So the other night I tagged Sailor in a post on some 50 cent word fan page. “Sybartic” means excessively devoted to hedonism. This would be my happy little Virgo husband. One of those love me, feed me, love me, and love me earth signs. He may not believe in that hoopla, but he is a true Virgo through and through.

Back on track.

He messaged me and asked if I finally understood him. After I finished tilting my head Scooby Doo style at the “finally” bit I asked him what he meant. He wanted me to describe the man I was married to. He then wrote this massively epic romantic poem off the cuff about how amazing and perfect I am (no lie, and I am merely average, I promise). It was endearing, gave me those little girl butterflies, and was a little awkward.

Not awkward bad, just awkward in that way that someone gets you a present after you agreed not to swap presents, and you held to your side of the bargain, so you rub your toe in the dirt mildly embarrassed.

But if you are a repeat reader of Journey, you know that my love for Sailor is nothing to scoff at or take lightly. I pine for him, I stare at his picture on the desk and lose track of time, I get misty eyed realizing he is missing whatever incredibly cute thing the dog (?!) is doing.  I am far from cold hearted, unfeeling, or indifferent when it comes to him.

As I explained it to him on the phone last night, I have my emotions about this separation boxed up in a corner ‘over there’ somewhere. I keep busy so that I do not have to deal with the fact that my best friend, lover, partner, and confidant is 598 miles (but who’s counting?) away.

If I do not think about it, I do not have to digest and process it. Processing hurts.

2ae944a3008e56a98078a735b70690d8 I shall leave you with Beneath Your Beautiful By Labrinth, my new “there’s something in my eye” song. Also, if you are military, do not look at the Google Doodle from today either.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD7SHWM_Y0

And finally: 113:23:33:13

May 24, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

May 20 2013; Break Stuff


It was 7 years ago Sailor asked me to move away with him to South Carolina. 1100 miles from home, a good 18 to 20 hour drive, and with nothing but what I could cram into my car. I probably knew immediately what my answer was, but looking back, I sometimes want to ask myself “You did what?!”

Now if you’d told me 2 years ago I’d be living alone in Georgia, I probably would’ve told you no fucking way. And yet, here I am. It’s so weird seeing the things Sailor and I have collected over the years as part of our home, and yet it’s just me. I eat off the dishes I bought for my birthday before we got married, and use the silverware he had when he was single. I sit on our couches, he picked the fabric, I picked the color. My art and his books, my antiques and his electronics. It’s “our” stuff, but it’s just me.

Some days I feel like I am just going through the motions, biding my time, just waiting. Other days I’m glad I live alone, not because I don’t feel like doing the dishes, but because there truly are days you just want to be left alone. That and who wants to get out of their pjs on their day off? Seriously. Not like the dog cares.

I know my time is coming to an end, but I think my point is that I’m tired. I’m ready to stop staring at our stuff and see him. Everyday.

117:23:06:13

May 20, 2013. geobach, military, alone, sad, cry, marriage, sailor, geo bach, geobachelor, tired, alone,. Leave a comment.

5.7.13: Stay


I like numbers. Today is brought to you by the number 130. That is the number of days left (ish) I have living alone on a permanent basis. I may have a double digit midget party for Memorial Day. I’m still thinking bout it.

20130507-213545.jpg

May 8, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Next Page »

RockinSockinMo

my life as a young, snarky, bookish, part- time artist

Retail Bitch

Paper or Plastic?

The Dog Snobs

We don't just know better; we are better

~ginger~

a warm & colorful life

Crummy Customers Comics

Comics drawn about real people who have really dealt with crazy, funny, or downright obnoxious customers

voornaamste

Just another WordPress.com site

Party of One

Totally true tales of hilarity and heartbreak

wild at heart

musings & found inspiration.